How I Handle Scam Calls

  • Due to Congress and the Executive branch being a wholly owned subsidiary of the telecom companies, Scam Calls have been getting far more prolific. Since we can’t expect any rational way to rid our phones of these annoying things, I have had to develop several coping mechanisms. Listed here are a few of my more successful ones:
  • My phone is programmed to recognize numbers that have a spoofed phone number. I don’t answer these calls at all! If the caller leaves a voicemail, using the voice to text app on my phone I read the first few lines of the message, and 99.9999% of the time I block the number and delete the message.
  • It the number is one I don’t recognize, unless I am expecting a call from someone that hasn’t called me before, I try to follow the same advice as above.

If I have taken the time to answer, that is when my more creative side takes over. I always say hello and give the caller time to respond. Then comes the fun at their expense! For instance;

  • Them “I’m calliingto inform you about a problem with your windows PC. 
  • Me “Which one?”
  • Them “Your Windows PC!”
  • Me “I have more than one computer and since the one I am currently using is not acting up, I need you to tell me which computer is having the problem.”
  • Them “It is your window computer!!”
  • Me “Unless you can tell me specifically which computer is acting up, I will have to assume you are either a scam artist or at the very least one of the worst employees Microsoft has hired! Which one are you?”
  • They almost always hang up at this point!

Another call I enjoy often goes like this;

  • Them “This call is from the IRS! Through our audit we find that you have amassed a penalty of $4.597.24. If you do not set up a payment with our agent, the police are going to arrest you.”
  • Me “Don’t you mean federal agents will arrest me?” The police don’t handle federal crimes.”
  • Them “We are serious sir, you will be placed into custody within 45 minutes of this call.”
  • Me, speaking as if I left the phone open while talking to another person in the room “have we got a good fix on the number I’m talking to yet? Great, how long before the judge approves the search warrant?
  • I haven’t gotten one to stay on the line past this point

My favorite calls come from loan companies offering me a low interest rate for my student loans. Hint, I have never had a student loan!

  • Them “We can consolidate and get you a new low rate for your student loans.”
  • Me “That’s a great idea, how much do I have outstanding for you to do this?”
  • Them “You should be able to tell us how much you owe.”
  • Me “I don’t have that information in front of me at this time. Couldn’t you look it up for me?”
  • Them “We can do that, what is your Social Security number?”
  • Me “Why would I have a Social Security number?”
  • Them “You couldn’t get a student loan without having one. What is your Social Security number?” 
  • Me “You should be better prepared than this, You tell me you can get my student loans consolidated with reduced interest yet you don’t have my Social Security number or my Loan account numbers in front of you? Let me speak with your supervisor!”
  • Never got a supervisor on the line yet!

For the calls requesting political donations, I always ask them who their opponent is and then let them know that if their opponent calls, I won’t be donating to them either!